As we travel through life we find ourselves on several quests. The drive for these quests comes from deep with-in each of us. A coach can help uncover the channel through these. Here are some of those quests.

The Quest to Know God

The Quest for Identity

The Quest for Intimacy

The Quest for Happiness

The Quest for Success

The Quest for Love

The Quest for Community

The Quest for Solitude

The Quest for Internal Quiet

The Quest for Perfection

The Quest for Truth and Justice

The Quest for Beauty

The Quest for Stimulation

The Quest for Mystery

The Quest for Meaning

The Quest for Acceptance

The Quest for Identity
Who am I? Why am I here? Where did I come from? Those questions are basically asking the same thing – who am I? From early childhood to the end of my life that question will resurface in different forms. Children ask it with statements like: “When I grow up I want to be a fireman or a Doctor.” Later on I may ask the question: “What will become of me?”, as I wrestle with disappointments. Somewhere in my process though, I will realize “who I am” is different than “what I do”. Sometimes that realization may not happen until I reach my forties or fifties. This question may even precipitate a mid life crises. When I don’t know who I am, then I desperately try and make myself into something that is valuable. I want my friends and associates to know me. To spend time discovering the wealth of value I am. I want them to ask questions that supercede my daily activity and the weather. When I live out of who I am, then my whole life reflects me, rather than the company I work for or some current fad.
top of page

The Quest for Intimacy
The cry of our human heart is to be connected intimately with another human being. It was the Creator who said: “It is not good for people to be alone”. We need connection. In our effort to connect with others we may have been wounded very deeply and finally decide to stop trying. Many people endeavor to build a wall of protection around themselves so they won’t feel the pain anymore. However, what we think is a wall that will keep out pain, also is a wall that keeps out love and acceptance we so deeply desire. We wonder why we are unable to have any meaningful friendships, never suspecting that in the name of safety we have isolated ourselves from the very intimacy we want. Sometimes we may become so desperate for relationship that we develop attachments with things. Money, clothes, houses, vehicles are all items we may have attachments with. We may invest enormous amounts of time and money into stuff, hoping we will receive something back.
Modern technology is a common interface where we may search for intimacy. We may spend time relating to TV programs and fantasy worlds that do not exist. We may even live vicariously through actors. Some of us spend more time each week with our Personal Computer than we do with all human contact put together. Then we wonder why we are lonely. No matter how much of ourselves we give to our machines the flow is one way. We know there is an emptiness deep inside but have tried to accept it and keep trying to silence it by getting more and more “stuff” or the newest, fastest, biggest, new release.
Pornography is a dream stealer. It is at best false intimacy. True intimacy requires two real people interacting at a deep level. While pornography may be attractive to the viewer, is does not satisfy our deep needs. It demands more and more time and gives less and less satisfaction. It defends our real need.
top of page

The Quest for Happiness
Happiness – what is it? It is forever illusive when I am pursuing it alone. Happiness is dependent on the happenings around us. If I win a new car at a draw I am happy. If I get an unexpected bill in the mail I tend to be unhappy. Our happiness is fickle and unpredictable. If we will pursue other worthwhile endeavors then happiness tends to be a by-product. Sometimes we believe happiness is our inalienable right. The problem is we seek happiness from an external source. We know when we experience it but often don’t know what caused it or how to make it happen.
Ultimately, the quest of happiness is a call to the deep joy in life that is found when we discover our place, purpose and identity in relationship with God.
Happiness comes from the outside of us. Joy comes from the inside. Joy is long lasting, as we can be joyful even when we hear or experience bad news. Happiness in and of itself is not worth pursuing. Investing our life in others may invariably bring us to that place we are looking for.
top of page

The Quest for Success
While we all want success and spend a great deal of effort to attain it, most of the time we wouldn’t recognize it if we ran into it. To some people it may mean to get more money; while others it could mean a bigger house or car; expensive clothes or lots of adult toys. Some may define it as having a particular job or social status. And then there is power. Power over people. Power to call the shots. When we don’t have to be the underdog anymore – that would be success. So often though we are competing with others when we enter this struggle. When we compare our salary, our car, our house – we are looking at what others have and measuring our stuff to theirs. We usually compare ourselves with someone who has more that we do though so we are left with a feeling of dissatisfaction and despair. When we are competing with others for success we can’t win. Success in this case is illusive. There are too many changing variables to make this a reasonable attainable goal.
I suggest true success can only be had when we accept it to be “all that we can be”. It is not competing with others. It comes from with-in. When we mis-direct our effort toward accomplishments rather than quality of life or state of character, it becomes a false spiritual direction that ultimately proves unsatisfying.
top of page

The Quest for Love
To be loved is what we all want. To be loved and accepted as I am is one of the deepest desires of humans. We call that unconditional love. Most of us grew up with conditional love. We knew that if we performed the “right” way then maybe we would get the affirmation we needed – well at least we may not have gotten in trouble. We learned that if we got good grades, it was expected. If we got poor grades we knew we were in trouble. We could feel it in the air.
Being loved unconditionally does not mean we stop growing and maturing – it does mean we have a place to stand that allows us to be us and still acceptable and valuable.
top of page

The Quest for Community
From the beginning mankind has wanted and needed community. While there are times when we need to be alone, it is always good to get back with those we love and who love us. The sense of community is one where we are loved for who we are; where we can be real and still accepted. It’s that place where we don’t have to perform to be loved. At the same time we respect the others in our community and treat them with honor. It’s that place we call home – where everyone adds his or her part to make the whole work.
top of page

The Quest for Solitude
While community it vital for our development and well being, we also need time alone. This is a safe place where we are able to access our inner most being. As we get to know ourself, we can deal with hurts and pain, hopes and dreams, and evaluate our life. Our experiences in daily life are validated, or rejected or embraced in the place of quiet. When we are too busy to have time for solitude we soon recognize life going by much quicker than we want.
top of page

The Quest for Internal Quiet
To have a quiet mind is most desirable. Those whose mind is always busy have a difficult time experiencing solitude. When our minds are hyperactive we often feel out of control. Developing a quiet mind takes time through practice and skill. Not only is it possible – it is within reach.
top of page

The Quest for Perfection
We desire the perfect. There is something in all of us that aspires to have and experiencing that which is perfect. Even though we know there is no such thing. Some, more than others, spend copious amounts of time trying to attain this elusive place. Some become perfectionists, hoping those who are significant in their lives will notice and approve of them.
top of page

The Quest for Truth and Justice
Deep within us, we have a sense that demands Justice. From an early age we proclaim “it’s not fair”, in an endeavor to keep life balanced. Truth is proclaimed as the standard of measure. Without truth and justice we descend into the world of dishonesty and half-truths. However, when the two friends, truth and justice, co-habit in our world, we experience a sense of peace and security.
top of page

The Quest for Beauty
I have an insatiable appetite for beauty. Whether it is found in nature, in sunsets, scenery, flowers, or animals or in people – I can’t get enough of it. I like having beautiful things. I like being around beautiful people. This craving for beauty does not seem to diminish over time. While beauty may be in the eye of the beholder – it is easy to define what is beautiful to me, and what is not.
The problem of beauty takes place when I value someone on the basis of his or her external beauty. Also it becomes a problem when the things I own that are beautiful, get broken or wear out. External beauty is illusive. Internal beauty deserves pursuit.
top of page

The Quest for Stimulation
Those who do not have a well-defined identity continually search for one in an effort to feel accepted and loved. When we lack that core then we tend to stimulate ourselves in order to feel alive. With an ever-increasing variety of extreme things to do many are on the elusive quest to find value in activity and increased, dangerous risk. Even those who are very busy find time to put themselves in dangerous places, taking risks beyond reason because they are so bored with life… Then what?
top of page

The Quest for Mystery
Mystery – we want it and we look for it. Mystery piques our wonder and anticipation. We go to great lengths, when we give presents to loved ones, to create mystery. We do so by wrapping their presents so they don’t know what is inside. We want it to be a surprise, by creating anticipation. We even experience disappointment when someone spoils the surprise by saying what is in the wrapped present.
Sometimes mystery makes our lives uncomfortable. We may be duped into thinking knowledge always equals power, when in fact knowledge may destroy anticipation and wonder. Do you really want to know it all – at the expense of loosing wonder and awe?
top of page

The Quest for Meaning
My life must have meaning. I can measure my value by how much meaning I experience. If I do things that are repetitive in my job then I may believe it has no meaning. Life is a series of repeating functions. We eat several times each day; sleep each night, mow the lawn etc. Some things have to be done whether we understand the meaning or not. To believe that all my life should be meaningful sets me up for disappointment. Certainly my life as a whole should have meaning. Such questions as, “Why was I born?” “What am I here for?” reach out to the meaning question. I want my life to matter. Reality suggests that my life may matter to only one or two others. Those others may be my spouse, a child or maybe as aged parent. The numbers don’t matter. The time investment does.
top of page

The Quest for Acceptance
I want to be accepted. I want those who I know and love to accept me the way I am. In our endeavor to be accepted we often do bizarre things in order to be accepted. Some go so far as to believe negative press is better than no press at all. Some children have been known to do something considered wrong for no other reason than they know they will get the attention they so crave.
top of page